Leave Me to Dream
by bookloverkat
Summary: Post COHF- Jace tore his fingers through his golden hair, then proceeded to walk out of his room and into one of the many corridors of the New York Institute. He couldn't sleep, it became harder and harder to after the war with Sebastian and the Endarkened. Clary and Jace will never be the same after the war.
1. In the Dark

Jace tore his fingers through his golden hair, then proceeded to walk out of his room and into one of the many corridors of the New York Institute. He couldn't sleep, it became harder and harder to after the war with Sebastian and the Endarkened. The burning sensation of heavenly fire in his veins. He'd see the faces of the fallen Shadowhunters he used to know, die. Time and time again, whenever he shut his eyes. Until he couldn't sleep at all. That's why he was heading to Clary's room. She made this easier, it was as if she was living, breathing hope. Some nights he would just stand there outside her door, unmoving, haunted by his own thoughts. But most nights he would quietly enter her room (that she left unlocked especially just for him) and hold her. Clary was his only tether to what was real and what wasn't.

Tonight, Jace silently opened the large wooden door to Clary's room. Moonlight sifted through her drawn sheer curtains, and onto the bed. Illuminating her sleeping figure on the bed. Jace's lips upturned slightly when he saw Clary; asleep with her hands tucked neatly beneath her chin, her lips slightly parted. He slowly made his way over to the opposite side of the bed to lie beside Clary. When Jace climbed in beside her, he tried to even his breathing. To calm down, to forget the fire, the darkness. He traced the runes on Clary's shoulder, some faded, and some stark against her pale skin. Jace wasn't gentle with many things, but he was with Clary.

When he drops his hand, the weight shifts and Clary is faced toward him. Her emerald eyes lidded with sleep. Her hand reaches out to his shoulder, and gives him a knowing look.

"Don't worry I get them too," she whispers. An empathetic look washed over face, as her lip trembled. "Jace-," the rest of her words are muffled as Jace pulls her into him.

"How come you never came to me?" Jace stares into Clary's eyes, searching for an answer. Gold clashing with green.

"I could never wake up," she stated wistfully, "I am always caught in the dream, I can't determine what's real and happening, and what has already happened." Clary clutches onto Jace's shirt, holding on like he was the only thing keeping her sane. Jace pulled away, and guided Clary's lips to his own. The kiss was gentle, a reassurance that they were both alive. That they were both here for eachother. That neither of them would ever leave.

"Are you awake now?" Jace asked, his forehead still on Clary's. Moonlight danced across Jace's golden features, making him the brightest thing in the room. As an answer, Clary took his lips in a hold of hers once more, showing instead of telling. Jace was the moon, creating the tides in the ocean, keeping them steady, and alive.


	2. The Sorrows I Have Seen

Sunlight filtered through Clary's curtains when Jace decided it was best that he'd get ready for today's training. He had just made it out of the large wooden door when he heard Alec from down the corridor.

"Haven't been sleeping in your own bed, have you Jace?" Alec said with a smirk. Jace glared at his _parabatai_. Jace hadn't yet told Alec about his nightmares, Alec must simply think he's there purely for other reasons. Although, he probably wouldn't mind that either.

"That is… none of your business. After all, how's the boyfriend? Sparkly as ever?" Jace stated teasingly with one eyebrow arched; and continued to walk toward the training room. Alec had to sprint to catch up with Jace, a blush creeping onto Alec's cheeks. He inhaled, as if he were going to say something, but had decided against it. Alec clapped his hand on his _parabatai's_ shoulder, to stop Jace in his tracks. 

"Jace," Alec started, "don't avoid the question at hand. What are you even doing right now anyways?" Jace rolled his eyes, and pushed through Alec. Clearly not wanting to continue the conversation much longer.

"I'm going to go train, nothing's wrong. There's nothing to worry about." Jace had quickly left Alec standing there in the corridor. Exasperated, Alec followed after him. And muttered something like about straight people and their motives.

A knife pierced the wood, thrumming back and forth from force. Jace wiped the sweat from his forehead, and made his way to the target. Whenever he'd train or fight demons, his mind would forget. There would body, adrenaline, and the stench of demon ichor to block the images of fire, and leave him cold. Even though the heavenly fire was actually no longer there, Jace could feel it linger in his veins. As if it was controlling his every move, and every thought he had.

He ran his fingers over the cratered wood of the target before he pulled out the knife. When he pulled the knife out of the wood, his reflection gleamed back at him taunting him in the sleek metal of the knife. He didn't look like he usually did; he had dark purple circles ringing his eyes, and his cheeks were still slightly hollowed from when he had lost weight because of the heavenly fire. He had wondered over and over if he'd ever be the same Jace. Go back to being the way he used to be and not this haunted mangled mess that he now was.

Jace was pulled out of his reverie from the sound of footsteps behind him. He yanked the knife out of the board, and scowled.

"I'm not in the mood, Alec. Haven't we already discussed this?" Jace snapped, his tongue laced with bitterness. The footsteps continued toward him before he heard an answer.

"It's me," Clary whispered. "Why are you in such a bad mood, more than usual of course?" She cautiously approached him from behind and laced her arms around him. Jace exhaled loudly, and turned in her arms, his hands landing at her wrists. Silence coated them like a blanket, before either of them spoke.

"I'm tired, Clary. Of everything. Tired of feeling trapped and cornered by nightmares," Jace admitted. He closed his eyes and all he saw was the ghost of fire; and fleeting images of Sebastian, and the blood of Shadowhunters.

"Maybe we both need to pay a visit to the Silent Brothers," Clary suggested, looking straight into Jace's eyes. There was a certain weariness in them, like he thought, no he knew that something was coming.

Something changed in Jace's face, long gone was the solemn, tormented Jace. The side of his mouth quirked upright into a slight smirk.

"Well shit, why didn't I think of that." He then pulled away from Clary, headed toward the door to leave the training room. Clary knew Jace too well to be fooled that easily. A false smile, and dread in his golden eyes, like a veil being put over the sun.


	3. The Silent City

The sound of Jace's boots echoed throughout the ancient, cobweb ridden, entrance to the Silent City. Statues loomed above his head, some of angels, some of Silent Brothers, which were pretty much statues to begin with. Clary had volunteered to accompany him here, but he had refused. He'd have to admit, she had put up a pretty good argument on why she should go with him: "What if you're being possessed again?" and "What if something's really wrong?" Jace had simply replied making a comment that he thinks that Clary would've noticed a lot sooner if he was being possessed, again. With that, he had grabbed his jacket and left to consult the Silent Brothers.

When he approached Brother Jeremiah, his heart started to race, creating a rhythmic thrum within his chest. He didn't quite understand why he was nervous, he'd faced the Silent Brothers many times. He remembered the first time he came here with Clary: it was when they had first met, and they were trying to figure out who put a block in Clary's memory. What was only about a year ago felt like decades.

Jace had shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind of the memory. He needed to have a clear mind when visiting the Silent Brothers. He had one goal, and he wouldn't let anything obstruct it.

 _You have come for insight into your dreams, follow me._ Jace heard Brother Jeremiah's voice in his mind. Jace nodded and followed the Silent Brother, cursing under his breath. He hoped he wasn't making a mistake.

* * *

Clary paced the length of her room at the institute, she couldn't of helped but to worry about Jace. She would be right there with him if he hadn't insisted that she didn't need to come. Even though Clary had been suffering from nightmares, she knew they weren't nearly as bad as Jace's. Clary would see flashing images of Jonathan, the brother she would've had, dying in her mother's arms. She would feel _Sebastian's_ hands all over her body, and with no way to get them off. She dreamed about losing Jace, being transported back to that night in Edom where he nearly lost control of the heavenly fire that had coursed through his veins. Her thoughts were then abruptly interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Clary? Are you in there?" Alec said, his voice was slightly tainted with worry. Clary ran to the door, and saw Alec with his hand raised as if he was going to knock again.

"What's wrong?" Clary inquired, her hand moved to its spot on her hip. She tried to move her worries about Jace to the back of her mind, but wasn't quite able to manage.

"Something's wrong with Jace, I felt something through our bond. Do you know where he is?" Alec's breath was uneven, and he couldn't seem to catch it. His eyes were wide, and he had his hand on the door, as if it was the only thing holding him up.

"He didn't tell you?" Clary couldn't understand why Jace wouldn't tell Alec, they were as close you could be to being brothers without actually being them. "Jace went to the Silent Brothers. What did you feel?" Clary couldn't seem to get the words out fast enough, something could've gone terribly wrong on Jace's journey to the Silent City.

"He didn't tell me anything, why is he there in the first place?" Alec was becoming impatient, wanting to leave for the Silent City and see whatever the hell Jace had gotten himself into now.

* * *

Clary's red hair stood stark against the dull gray stone of the chambers in the Silent City. Alec remained a few paces ahead of her as her pace had started to slow. Something didn't feel right. A certain uneasiness crept through her bones, and her hands started to tremble. Her face contorted with confusion, _why would this be happening? Why would this be happening here? Out of all the places she could be in trouble, here was not one of them._ Clary halted, trying to clear her head, and regain control. She swayed on her feet, her world spinning, heart racing, and collapsed onto the cold hard stone floor.

 **A/N Please Review!** **Constructive criticism is welcome!**


End file.
